steve and i have been to the daily grind in troy twice in the past ten days. it's mostly because he's got tons of schoolwork to do (taking "Personal Evangelism"), and often needs somewhere to work other than his office or our livingroom. (for example, i came home from work today, to him sleeping on the couch... he said that he didn't mean to sleep, it just happened. so, we go to coffee shops, where sleep isn't as easy, and distractions are limited.) coffee shops are great places to do schoolwork. for about $1.25, you can get a warm cup of joe and unlimited access to study-conducive space.

we noticed when we came in that the same girl was behind the counter as last thursday. when we ordered, she wasn't very friendly. she almost seemed annoyed with us for being there. when steve and i were out of earshot, and the steamer was whirring, i quietly commented to steve. he agreed.

a hour passed. she went to take the garbage out the back and passed us reading. "oh, i forgot you guys were here" she said, not quite as annoyed as before. a bit later, i got hungry and got up to get something to nibble on. i asked her if i could have a piece of coffeecake. she hesitated, started to make a "no" with her mouth and body, then smiled and said "sure." she asked if we were new to the area, and i told her that we weren't new, just from a few towns over, that this was the closest "decent" coffeeshop. i told her my name, she told me hers, and she said that she'd try to remember me for next time.

one open door into another person's life. and it began new york-style, with a little friendly sarcasm. that's personal evangelism for you, i guess

i had started that post on steve's computer, and got distracted & didn't finish it. he meant to save it for me, and posted it instead...

i guess i'll pick up where i left off:

Steve and i were planning to have friends over, and were doing the pick-up-the-apartment-right-before-they-come. except it was a good friend, and i didn't care if she saw the living room a little messy, that would've been ok... but steve was intent on everything being perfect. he latter confessed that while he wants people to be real with one another, he admits that in some ways, he feels like if the apt isn't perfect, it's a poor reflection on me, and he wouldn't want anyone to think that.

so, the same man who says that we should invite people over to homes that aren't perfect (i'm paraphrasing his sermon found here under 1/7/07) admits that subconsciously, he knows that our culture teaches that faults with housekeeping directly correlate to the value of the wife. well, no wonder the wonder-woman of today isn't jumping at the chance to invite people to a messy... no, it doesn't even have to be "messy," it could just be less-than-perfect... home. if even steve admits to this subconscious impact, maybe there's something to it.

why invite people into your life when the culture around you says that if you really show them who you are and how you live, you'll be judged on the things that aren't even all that important. why would i take the next step, and form community? why, when i can't trust people to be kind about my small issues, would i open up and trust them with the bigger ones?

Second example: i cook dinner every tuesday for our small group. my friend amanda came over to help, and when she came, my sink was full of dishes. no big deal... she knows that i'm a busy woman, and less-than-perfect, and that dishes in the sink aren't the worst thing in the world. however, when she started to do them for me, i went from "oh, you don't have to do that..." to "seriously, please don't do my dishes."

why? why can't amanda do my dishes? why can't she take the 10 minute to do a normal task to bless me as i do a normal task to bless our small group? i can tell you why... because that's not very "angel in the house" of me. sure, she can see my dishes, i can be real with her... but have her do them for me, when she's a guest, in my home?! that's exactly opposite of angel. the funny thing is, amanda spent a few years in mexico, so she's not used to the american ideals of me being the lovely and perfect hostess, and she being the gracious guest. she doesn't understand the unwritten rules, that i have to serve her when she's in my house, and it can't be the other way around. (i take it back, there are exceptions: the only time you can come to my house and serve me is when i am infirm, or just had a baby, or my husband dies. basically, i have to be incapacitated or in the midst of tragedy for me to be served in my own home.)

so to sum it up, the women who are wearing too many hats already, are not about to let you come into their home and see them the way that they really are. it's the angel in the closet, and her bones are still with us. our community is crippled by the haunt of some silly victorian ideal. other ideals we've laid to rest? the idea that women can not and should not enjoy lovemaking; the ideal that women's brains are smaller than men's and thereby capable of less; the idea that the novel is not good literature. well, we've definitely rid our culture of those myths... why not this one as well?

and by the way, amanda finished my dishes. i'd rather work to having true community with an awesome believer than fake at being the perfect wife and woman.